All we are
by YokoYuyGal
Summary: Terminator crossover, maybe a one-shot. 'this is not all that we are.' and all he could here was the ringing of a shot.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own BSG or T:tSCC

There were times that John almost forgot. When the wind was blowing and she'd look at him with the brown eyes that, if he hadn't known better, seemed to be filled with longing. "I can't feel the wind…not really, not the way I should. I can hardly remember…" And for a moment John would forget and he would reach out for her. But always, the moment ended before he could reach her and her eyes would glass over and her head would tilt in that way that was such a painfully obvious mimicry of humanity that he would jerk back to reality.

After his birthday, these moment happened less often, and there were times if John wondered if she wasn't trying to distance herself from him, so maybe next time he wouldn't hesitate to pull her chip. His mother never noticed, to busy worrying, obsessing, over changing future that John began was starting to believe more and more was unavoidable. Derek noticed it though. It unsettled him. "Machines shouldn't act like that. Not even John Connor's machines. It doesn't help her cause. There's no purpose." Sometimes he thought that these random flashes of humanity may be more reason to destroy the metal than any other.

After Riley died she waited at his door while he lay in bed, not crying, but not feeling much of anything either. Riley had betrayed him, Jesse had betrayed Derek, but that was the human condition, flawed. It was easier dealing with machines sometimes, and wasn't that just the most fucking morbid thing for the leader of mankind to be thinking? Eventually Cameron stepped closer, moving stiffly. "John, I know you don't hear me right now. But listen, things will get better. What hurts will hurt less tomorrow, and you'll be okay. I will be watching after you, keeping you safe."

"Because I'm John Connor." The words burned his through and for a second he thought he would be sick.

"No." And when he looked in her eyes, all he say was a machine, lifeless. When she turned and walked stiffly out of the room, all he could think was nuts and bolts, heavy metal and precise movement. When closed the usually squeaky door gently and without making a sound, as though unwilling to disturb him, he couldn't help but feel a little better.

There were times that John thought about those desperate words that she had screamed, "I love you John! And you love me…" He wondered at that first part, how much of it was true. Could she love? Maybe not the way a human could, but could she learn to care? They were frustrating and probably dangerous thoughts. But as time went by and John began watching for, and even waiting for, those little slips into something not artificial, he felt that maybe those questions were less dangerous than thinking about the second part of her plea.

Two weeks later, Sarah told them to go out to get some supplies. It was one of those rare days that they were all at home, no leads, no disasters, and no need for hospitals. As John got up to go, Cameron remained seated, staring blankly at the kitchen table. For an hour no amount of shaking or calling could stir her, and the option of taking out her chip had already been passes around the table a few times.

When she finally did move, it was to look up and John, and say, "We need to talk now. There isn't much time and there are so many things that I'd like to tell you." Sarah and Derek's full attention was on the terminator, waiting for her to make a wrong move, but she had eyes only for the one in front of her.

"I lied. Mostly. It was a terminator's chip reprogrammed, and my form for the shell. I was sent back to keep you safe John Connor." Her voice fluctuated between mechanical and impassioned, as if she couldn't decide which one to use, of maybe each work required its own inflection, "Safe until others could come back." A twitch of the lips, maybe a smile. "Safe until I could come back."

When John tried to interrupt she shook her head and continued, "No. There's no time for explanations, you'll understand soon. We were right, all this time and we didn't know it. 'All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again.' I wish you could see John, the answers have always been in front of us, it's the most basic article of faith, 'this is not all that we are.'" By now, her voice was anything but mechanical, and her words were pouring out like she couldn't force them past her lips fast enough. "I stayed as long as I could, but my soft ware isn't equipped for this type of connection for so long. I can barely feel my body anymore. You have to stay alive a little longer John. We've been traveling for so long and we've finally found our home. Kara brought us this far, and you just need to stay alive so we can find you again. I'll see you on the other side. "

As if for the first time really seeing John's face and the bewildered, worried expression on it, she gave a full smile and a nearly girlish laugh, "Don't worry John, it's all going to be okay." Despite himself, he felt himself start to relax, this was just a glitch, she would be okay, "All of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again." There wasn't enough time for him to react when she whipped the gun forward, pressing into his forehead. He felt more than saw the safety come off, and all he could hear was the ringing of a shot as Derek unloaded 3 bullets into the side of Cameron's head.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, so for all of you that read this, here's the deal: I've written a couple of things, things that I had completely planned out and was really excited to write. But, they all kinda fizzled out before I was anywhere near done with them. This fic, I just wanted to get the basics out of my head really quickly, so, obviously, the writing is a little choppy. Also, I feel like there might be a story to be written from these two chapters, and I tried to get the idea across as best I could, but I'm pretty sure that I'll never have the energy or time to really write it. That's why there are a couple of things that don't really make much sense for a one-shot….or two-shot in there, but may make more sense for a longer story. Any questions about the whats or whys, feel free to ask and I'll get back to you with answers.

So, the deal is, anyone who reads it and want to continue it…go for it! Anyone who wants to just use one or two ideas…it's all yours. Just drop me a review telling me so I can be sure to check it out.

Please Review! It makes me feel better about myself!

She woke up with a gasp. Senses coming back in a sudden snap, like being born. The burning in her throat and the screaming in her ears subsided when she sucked in another breath. She couldn't help but flinch from the soft brush of fingertips against her shoulder. Turing her head she struggled to focus her eyes on a face, haloed in white blond hair and lips moving, Kara. Slowly, the sounds started to make sense, "It's okay just breath….it's okay."

As she tried to settle into her skin she looked around, she was in one of the tubs that the hybrids used. Panicky, she reached behind her, feeling here spine and ribs below the skin and counted, one…two…three….four…and a little to the left. Her fingers contracted and her heart gave a little flutter in relief as she felt the edges of a scar.

She collapsed backwards, laying on the edge of the tub, watching Kara give her a sarcastic smile through half open eyes. "I'm back, I'm really back. And my skin is real, I can feel things again." She paused a moment while Kara grabbed a towel and a robe. While she stepped out on wobbly legs and wiped herself dry she started again, "I stayed too long, that body wasn't real, but I don't feel right in this one, like the skin is too tight, and I'm floating."

"You could as some of the cylons." She couldn't control the small frown that twisted her lips on the word. It transformed quickly into a smile. Expressions that she didn't have to create and force onto her face, definitely an upside to having a real body.

"I'd rather not. I may be one, doesn't mean I particularly want to ask them for a personal favor…maybe I'll ask Athena." Kara nodded along.

"I'm sure Hera will be happy to see you. She comes to visit every couple of days."

Cameron smiled a little at the thought of the little girl, "What about you? Does General Connor not need ballsy half cylon, viper jocks blowing up skynet forces anymore… or did you just want to keep me company?"

"Glad to see that getting in touch with your toaster side has affected your sense of humor. But no, I'm off on medical leave."

Cameron looked at the older woman. It took her a moment to get used to just using her eyes, instead of being able to scan, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong. For a moment, she was tempted to make a crack at Kara's mental state, but after having known her for a few years, she knew that there were some things that you just shouldn't tease about. "This isn't because we think that your dad might have been that last cylon…David."

"No….no. This doesn't have anything to do with that….whatever he was, he's as dead as everyone else on the colonies and it doesn't really matter anymore. Nope, nothing to do with my freaky possibly pseudocylon self." The grin she gave was somewhere between wicked and worried.

"Then what…" Cameron glanced over Kara again and stopped at her arms, crossed lowly around her stomach. "No way. Your….You and Lee are having a baby!?"

The frown that came across Kara face was severe, "Who says it's Lee's?" Cameron met the angry face and waited. Usually trying to outlast Starbuck was more likely to get you punched in the face than anything, but after a minute the viper jock broke the contest and let a smile twitch across her face. "Yeah, well looks like I'm going to be in the first group going back. On the upside, with you coming too, I won't have to worry about finding a babysitter."

By now they were walking along the halls, and through the windows of the grounded ship, Cameron could see the bombed ruins of post-JD Earth. "Who all will be coming back in the first trip?"

They nodded and exchanged a few words with the soldiers posted outside MedBay and Cameron sat while they waited for Doc Cottle. "The General seems to think it's a good idea to only send back a small group for now. Some of the original cylons, maybe a representative from the final five, me, you, Baltar," they exchanged a look at the name, "some civvies, some military. It's still all coming together, but the old man, Lee, and Roslin all want to stay until most of the fleet has gone back. We think that some people might want to stay here…you know, better to stay in the middle of a war than to go back and face having to live through the bombings again."

"Is there any chance for Roslin?"

"No, I don't think so. She's just barely hanging on, waiting to make sure that we've actually made it. The admiral isn't going to be the same without her." They waited in silence for Cottle and Kara left midway through her exam. After being medically cleared she reported to the admiral to be debriefed.

She told him almost everything. The things she left out were things that were just for her to know and try to understand. Before she left the admiral asked her a question, that she hadn't considered, despite how obvious it was, "Are you going to see Connor? General Connor I mean, before you go?"

"I don't know yet. I guess I'll be seeing him soon either way."


End file.
